Nine Different Double Features for This Halloween
Halloween is on a Monday this year … now that’s scary.
If you’re like me and have work in the morning, a night out slinging back a terribly themed cocktail (Boo!-jito, anyone?) and dancing to Monster Mash in the club as you watch a Bride of Frankenstein and Michael Meyers ferociously make out with each other, is probably not quite the best of ideas.
Do you know what’s more terrifying than ghosts and ghouls? Post-Alcohol shakes on a Tuesday.
Fear not! For I have devised nine different movie nights for a cosy night under the blanket watching some fantastic horror films. We’ve got everything from light horror comedies that will be done before tea-time, to an epic four and a half hour torture-porn event that will traumatise you for life.
Let’s begin…
(Note: all streaming options are for the UK, information provided from Just Watch 27/10/2022. For updated streaming information, click here to check. As always, you can - and probaly should - pick up the DVDs instead if available).
Shorter Pairings
Okay, so it’s you’re looking to keep things air tight? No worries, these pairings will be wrapped up in under three hours.
Intensity Level 1 - What We Do In The Shadows and Tucker & Dale Vs Evil
These two horror comedies are more cheeky than they are gory, more funny than they are scary, but brilliant all the same. This pairing of a Vampiric Mockumentary set in New Zealand, and a movie with the nicest horror hillbillies in cinema history, will be wrapped up in 2 hours 55 minutes.
What We Do In The Shadows is available to stream on Amazon Prime, BBC iPlayer, and Shudder.
Tucker & Dale Vs Evil is available to rent from £2.49 SD/£3.49 HD
Intensity Level 2 - Hush and You’re Next
Two modern slashers from the 2010s, these are home-invasion thrillers complete with masked killers and a female protagonist, all done and dusted in 2 hours 56 minutes.
Just remember to lock your doors after putting them on … you never know …
Hush is available to stream on Netflix.
You’re Next is available to rent from £2.49 SD/£3.49 HD
Intensity Level 3 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Hostel
Fancy two chainsaw wielding maniacs? These gorgeously gross splatter-fests from two different eras will send your popcorn back up over and over again. This pairing lasts 2 hours 57 minutes.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is available to stream on Amazon Prime.
Hostel is available to stream on Netflix.
Medium - Length Pairings
Looking to have a bit of a longer one? Say no more. These pairings are at least over 3 hours, but under 4 hours.
Intensity Level 1 - Freaky and The Voices
Vince Vaughn and Ryan Reynolds star in these serial-killer comedies with a twist, lasting 3 hours 23 minutes. That’s a body switching subversion from the director of Happy Death Day, and a factory worker listening to his Sadistic Scottish Cat to complete your evening. It’s about to get weird!
Freaky is available to stream on Sky or NOW
The Voices is available to rent from £1.99 SD/£2.49 HD
Intensity Level 2 - Nope and X
Catch up on this year’s latest horror offerings by checking out Nope and X from Jordan Peele and Ti West respectively. These won’t give you too much of the heebie jeebies … unless you’re deathly afraid of the sky, chimpanzees, porn actors, and/or old people having sex … in which case … maybe avoid? Tick these off your 2022 watchlist in 3 hours 56 minutes.
Nope is available to rent for £15.99 (it’s fucking worth it, trust me)
X is available to stream on Amazon Prime.
Intensity Level 3 - Saw and Malignant
Blood-soaked is an understatement. This is Horror Maestro James Wan’s iconic breakthrough torture-porn masterpiece alongside his latest ridiculous midnight-movie rollercoaster ride. If you’re in the mood for some epicly elaborate deaths with some wild twists, this is the 3 hours 34 minutes double feature for you.
Saw is available to stream on ITV Hub.
Malignant is available to stream on Sky or NOW.
Long Pairings
Oh, so you’ve gone utterly insane? Now we’re talking!
These pairings are at least four hours long.
Intensity Level 1 - Alien and Jaws
Let’s go back to the 1970s, where people waited in line to watch two of the most iconic horror blockbusters of all-time. Fine, go ahead and call them ‘dated’ if you so dare, these two cinematic classics (totalling 4 hours 1 minute in length) still have the power to make you squirm.
I’m never swimming or going to space ever again.
Alien is available to stream on Disney+
Jaws is available to rent from £2.49 SD/£3.49 HD.
Intensity Level 2 - The Exorcist and Hereditary
Do demonic children give you the heebie-jeebies? Look no further than this Christ-Compelling quintessential alongside Ari Aster’s tongue-clicking possession portrayal. Heads will spin, and (pigeon) heads will roll for 4 hours 10 minutes.
The Exorcist is available to rent from £3.49 SD/HD
Hereditary is available to rent from £2.49 SD/£3.49 HD
Intensity Level 3 - Audition and The House that Jack Built
I’m not telling you anything else, other than that this 4 hours 27 minutes agonization extraveganza will require a thorough shower afterwards.
I think they’d make a cute couple.
Audition is available to stream on Arrow Player.
The House that Jack Built is available to stream on MUBI.
